If both partners in a couple are agreed that couples counselling is a process you are both ready to engage in, either one of you can make the initial approach and arrange a first session. Or you may be referred by a medical professional such as your GP or psychiatrist if your primary symptoms have led you down that route. Issues such as unresolved grief, depression or stress may actually be better addressed together as a couple. Your legal representative may suggest attending therapy if you are going through a divorce and need support. Even if you’ve reached a point where you have decided that your relationship is over, many couples find it very helpful to explore how they can do so collaboratively. This may mean airing your pain, grieving what wasn’t possible in the relationship and addressing the difficult issue of parenting healthily in the midst of a crisis. Therapy may help you to avoid costly arguments in a legal context. What if your partner won’t come to therapy? You may need to encourage them to find out more about couple therapy. They may need reassurance that they won’t be characterised as “the bad one.” If you cannot persuade your partner to come to even a first session, I can work with just one of you, and you may find this very helpful to your relationship. But I will not subsequently be able to work with both of you together. You may have shared information with me that you do not feel able to share with your partner. Or your partner may also feel that an alliance has been formed if you and I have already established a therapeutic relationship.